The Ministry of Lisa Copen

Lisa Copen, Founder of Rest Ministries which serves the chronically ill, shares about mothering, illness, ministry and more.

Can People with Invisible Illness Park in the Blue Spots Without Others Seeing RED?

C-2008_small-size_med-resolution National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week starts Monday, Sept 8. You may not realize… it's the project of Rest Ministries! I began this week in 2002 after seeing so many people who felt frustrated and isolated simply because no one "got" his or her illness. Even people with strong faith that got them through all of the medical challenges, felt bitter and resentful sometimes that those they loved the most were skeptical about their illness.

If those with strong faith could be encouraged through their invisible illness, what about the others? Over 130 million people in the USA alone live with illness. Surely a few of them could use some understanding, right?

Thus began National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week.

Be sure to drop by one of the TWENTY seminars that I will be hosting starting Monday at 9 a.m. pacific on Sept 8, 2008. It's going to be a long week, with 4 seminars per day, but I hope you will enjoy the, be encouaged and learn a lot.

Visit www.invisibleillness.com for all the the info and www.invisibleillnessblog.com for daily updates, ideas to connect to others and more.

Below is an Op-Ed piece I wrote last year, which caused quite a stir at one particular web site. I’d love to hear your feedback too!

Lisa

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Parking “Do you know the fine for using someone else’s handicapped parking permit is $300?” “That parking spot is saved for the disabled! You should be ashamed of yourself!” Nearly everyone with an invisible illness has been told, “You don’t look disabled to me!” One of my friends replied, “Well, you don’t look stupid to me.” I just bite my lip to try to prevent the tears from forming, broken-hearted that I appear to be deceptive, when I would do anything to give back this parking perk that I use on a rare occasion.

 

As I circle the parking lot a fourth time on this day I hope for a spot to open up within two-hundred yards of the store, but there is nothing remotely close at this bustling superstore where I need to buy my prescriptions and milk for my toddler. My rheumatoid arthritis is flaring badly, causing extra fluid in my knees to dislocate pieces of loose bones. Every step is painful and unpredictable.

 

Finally I sigh in resignation and pull into the farthest “blue parking spot.” I reach for the placard–the one that has a bold white symbol of a wheelchair–and no, I don’t have a wheelchair–yet. So after fifteen years of having this “privilege” at my disposal I still warily scan the area before reluctantly dangling the placard from the rear view mirror. Is there anyone watching, wondering, or waiting, ready to confront me?

 

I’ve had scathing notes left on my windshield and many people, empowered by television exposés, have approached me with their opinions. Judgmental expressions and whispers sting just as much. My husband and I adopted a baby and when I would get my child of the car I would avoid eye contact with onlookers because I could hear their whispers of, “She’s not disabled! Or–if she is–she has no right to have a child!”

 

Nearly 1 in 2 Americans (133 million) live with a chronic illness. It could be diabetes, cancer, cystic fibrosis, fibromyalgia or even chronic back pain. Many illnesses make walking long distances impossible because of limited lung capacity, physical pain, or unpredictable numbness in the legs. According to statistics provided by the U.S. Census Bureau, about 96% of these illnesses are invisible. There is no sign of the illness existing, nor the use of an assistive device like a cane or a wheelchair.

 

I began National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week in 2002, which is held this year [Sept 8-14, 2008], after witnessing thousands of people who had frustrations, fears, loneliness, and bitterness, about feeling invalidated. One’s illness, age, diagnosis, or level of disease degeneration, doesn’t change the emotional pain.

 

Strangers and loved ones alike doubt the severity of our illness or even the diagnosis. We’ve heard, “You look so good! You must be feeling better.” But we don’t feel better. We just bought some fake tan in a bottle and pasted on a smile.

 

National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week is a time to acknowledge that invisible illness is more prevalent than we’d imagine and everyone–both those who are healthy and ill–can make a difference by encouraging someone with an invisible illness, rather than tearing someone down.

 

Are those parking spots painted blue because they give so many people the blues? That small area of square footage is a breeding ground for many frustrations as we are forced to defend our illness and character to total strangers. I’d gladly trade in my placard indefinitely for just a week of having my old body back when I could run, sit on the floor, or even hold a fork without tendons popping out of place.

 

I anticipate the day when a nationally designated system is formed. Texas law states that blue placards are for those who use assistive devices; red permits are for people with a “condition that impairs mobility.” In other states, red symbolizes six months of disability and blue is permanent. It’s confusing! And for one with invisible illness, the wheelchair symbol discredits both our physical pain and–in the eyes of others–our reputation. Until then, we rely on Invisible Illness Week bumper stickers.

 

The next time you see a healthy looking man loading groceries into his car–parked in the “blue spot”–don’t glare. Stop and offer to help him, or just smile nicely, giving him the benefit of the doubt. Seventy percent of suicides have uncontrollable physical pain as a factor. Your smile may save his life. At the least, it will astonish him, perhaps providing him with genuine encouragement he hasn’t felt for months.

 

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Prof cover Lisa Copen is the founder of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week, www.invisibleillness.com, and author of “Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend.” She is the founder of Rest Ministries which has served the chronically ill with spiritual support for ten years.

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3 Comments»

  Rosalind Joffe aka cicoach.com wrote @

Lisa, I so know what you’re talking about. Once a man actually yelled at me for parking in a space. In those days, placards didn’t hang – they sat on dashboards and he didn’t see mine. Even if he had, he probably wouldn’t have believed it was for me. I looked fine! My daughter used to beg me not to use the handicapped space because I didn’t look like I needed it.I felt it was always a teaching moment to show her I didn’t care how it looked – but inside I was cringing with worry someone would say something again! Rosalind Joffe

  Denice wrote @

OMG…thank you…reading this brought tears to my eyes…I’ve had to use the little scooters in the grocery store when the pain and fatigue has been too much and I’ve gotten the “look” and the stares. The worse though has been the rudeness and impatience displayed by others towards me…
But the worse was when I asked my physician for a prescription for the handicap plaque and he sneered at me and said, “What for? You’re not handicapped!”
So I “schlep” across parking lots now…sometimes very slowly…and find a seat when I get there…exhausted but smiling cuz I made it!

  Roberto wrote @

For yahoo status scan and detect i use http://www.statusdetect.com . It’s the best yahoo invisible checker!And it has a new feature! It shows you if entered yahoo does not exist.


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